An Uncomfortable Comfort

I'm hyper-ventilating.  I'm pretty scared.  Or nervous.  Or anxious.  A bunch of feelings associated with being fearful.

I know of this feeling before.  It occurred right before my flight out to Peru, so I assume it's just pre-flight jittery.  Sometimes, I pretend to not acknowledge it, but deep down my belly, it rumbles.  It rumbles in fear... or diarrhea. I joke with the latter.  In less than 24 hours I depart from Austin and en route to Kilimanjaro.   So the jitters are setting in.

I guess this is my fearful face

I like these jittery-fearful feelings though, it makes me feel alive.  I understand that most of us are geared to lean towards comfort.  We fear the unknown and that makes us uncomfortable.  That is why we work our asses off so we can have a nice apartment and a nice car - to live in comfort.  However, I would like to argue that to PROGRESS we must feel fear.  We must feel uncomfortable.

Don't you remember that first interview?  That first date? Wasn't it uncomfortable?  But at the same time, didn't it motivate us to do our best? Millions of neurons firing off trying to find directions and innovations to lead us back to comfort.  In that moment of fear is where we grow.  We try to find insight within ourselves, and in the most unexpected twist, we find that uncomfortableness is the actual thing that will lead us back to comfort.  And the cool thing is, we actually grow an extra inch of awesomeness.

That is why I rejoice in this uncomfortableness.  Knowing that I'm enroute to my destinations and that I will get to experience an enormous library of new emotions and experiences, is the actual comforting factor in all this.   Experiences (or favorable ones anyway) are beautiful.  They are the core of growth and growth can be triggered with first an uneasy feeling.  Thus why, I am run towards this uncomfortableness with open arms.  

Hmmm... Good night and be uncomfortable

Mucho Thinkle tonight.

FoxxiDork

This is something I have never shared with my friends and family. This blog, as such, has only been shared with friends and family. So this is a whole lot out of my comfort zone. I want to share a piece of my past. I want to share FoxxiDork. Who is FoxxiDork? She was pre-muchogiggles.  She was 19 - 24 years old.  She was this girl that used to make some Youtube videos and would write silly things on her blog (which has been deleted, unfortunately).  Not much has changed for her, except she is now MuchoGiggles.  I'm semi-embarrassed to share her with you guys.  For some reason though, I did think about her today, and I thought it's appropriate to share my past.

Please think of her as a 22 years old girl that likes to create things.  Not that I don't like creating things anymore, I prefer to think that my current work is a bit more classier.

Oh Gosh, I'm slightly petrified sharing this.  Ahhh... Okay.  I'll just do it.  *Close Eyes and hitting Publish*

Talent

BettyBoop

How to Wakeup

Interview Makeup 

How to look good in pictures

Vlog: All I do is eat

Oh God, enough?  Well, I think this is enough for me.  This is enough 2009-2010.  If you like FoxxiDork, go ahead and visit: www.youtube.com/foxxidork.

Ah, I need to go breathe.  I'm slightly hyper-ventilating sharing this much.

Dating Enlightenment

I dedicate this post to a strong and close friend of mine.

Have I mentioned how demoralizing it has been with my dating scene? Demoralizing to a point where I don't date anymore.  Why? In part because every date I've been on, it seems like I'm on an interview.  Can I also mention how uncomfortable this whole process is?  After much thinking... much much thinking... I feel secure enough to say, I just don't date anymore.  So, I will go ahead and dispense my theory and advice here.

Creepy!!

Most people nowadays, consciously or subconsciously, believe that once he/she meets the one, they would would somehow be eased of all their issues and insecurities.  Our society reinforced us with these notions through sappy-cheesy-shits  and romantic comedies, where the protagonist hooks up with their amazing soul mate, and it's happily ever.  Come on, this expectancy that one individual will fulfill everything is just entirely too daunting.  Fudge,  that is a lot of pressure on one person.

This is a huge disservice they are doing for their future mate and themselves.   Say in theory, that you did meet that one and he/she did make you happy and everything in that particular moment is perfect.  This is temporary vibration of energy allotted by love (or lust) will help to dissipate all current worries and stress.  But really how long will this last?  It's hedonic adaptation*1, folks.

To maintain constant happiness, he/she, for lack of better phrase, must be happy with his/her-self.  Even if that means taking an inventory of ones' likings and pursue it as a hobby.  Go travel.  Take dance classes.  Join meetup groups.  As a result, and I can attest, doing your passion or yourself, will actually make you a whole lot more happier.

As the Holstee Manifesto manifests:

"If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. 

They will be waiting for you when you start 

doing the things you love."

Or as I say it, if it happens... It happens.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*1 Hedonic adaption:As humans we have the " tendency [...] to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes." 

GUUURHHH!!!

Trippin' Kilimanjaro

Kili-Man-Ja-Ro.  Just pronouncing it produced this strong yet mystical tone.  Like a shaman standing on top of a bonfire warning us with a voice that vibrates down our spine to respect and fear for what is the 'highest' free-standing mountain in the world.

Or at least that is what it feels like when I sound off Kilimanjaro.

My trip to Kili is counting down to just a mere 4 days.  Ahhh, I am f-ing scared and is shaking in fear of what is to come.  Okay, that may have been overly dramatized, but gawd damn, it's scary to think that Kilimanjaro is coming true.

Euro-trip.  Or Euro-eat.

Climbing Mt Kili was just a dream.  "Maybe one day I'll do it.  Maybe when I'm a bit more fit.  Maybe when I have more money."  All these maybes, but all it took are tiny little steps.  Like when I started traveling, it was around the United States or to Europe.  All of which were considerably safe trips.  But bit by bit, I got a bit more braver.  By traveling in relative safety, I gained more confidence in handling myself in foreign countries, thus I took a trip by myself to Peru in 2012.

Maybe, all these 'maybes', are a good thing.  Because what the 'maybes' did was it painted a canvas of possibilities.  Maybes, allowed me to take baby steps:

Baby Step 1. Travel in home country, United States - I drove back and forth from east and west coast countless of times.
Baby Step 2. I traveled to relatively safe countries in Europe - I grew more courage.
Baby Step 3. I traveled by myself to Peru - I grew even more courage.
Baby Step 4. Graduation into Adult steps.

It's confident building 101, or building guts little by little.   Because I have bundled up this ball of confidence, I got more serious about planning for my dream conquest.  Kilimanjaro.

Who knows what 'Maybes' may hold after this trip.  Who knows if Everest will call to me.

While meandering between thoughts, I shall continue packing for Kili.

Continue to MuchoGiggles!

Anna

Model Subject: Juanita Conejo

Once in a while, you meet people and they're just so naturally gorgeous, that you just have to beg for a shoot with them.  Well, meet the subject of my begging Juanita Conejo, a gorgeous woman, who also happens to be a really great friend of mine.  I met Juanita in 2011 and immediately I was so blown away by her aura.  She has this beautiful energy about her - you know, the kind of energy that is just is GOOD.   I was not only blown away by her good spirit, but also at her natural beauty.  At the time, I thought, and I still do think so from time to time, "How in the world is this fair? She's both pretty inside-and-out.  Bullshit, she has to have flaws somewhere."  After 2 years of knowing Juanita, I can assure you, I've tried and have yet to succeed at finding any flaws.

Good Friday, kids! Enjoy.

You're Welcome!

Perusing - Part 4 - Ica to Lima

Part cuatro of my perusing in Peru

First things first, have you seen on MTV shows or Travel Channel, where people sandboard?  Well I have, and ever since I saw Cameron Diaz sliding down on a dune of sand on her show, Trippin', I've was hooked.  And when I heard that there is sandboarding in Ica, I just had to do it.

Sandboarding was my only intention in Ica, until I arrived at a local touring company.  They incidentally thought the best thing before strapping me onto a board was to get me pisco drunk.  What is Pisco? A deadly national alcohol of choice produced in Peru.  One may compare this to Vodka from Russia or Cachaca from Brazil.  At any rate, normally I would never go drinking before driving, but somehow this sounded like a good idea, as I would only be crashing into sand.  

Pisco drunk

More pisco

The tour guide.  Needless to say, I was very happy with his service.

Lunch with a couple fellow travelers I met

The weird shit I see in my days did not prepared me for this.  Austin's weirdness, you've got nothing on this winery.  A side of dead carcass with my Pisco please! 

Feast your eyes on this beauty!

One of the coolest thing I've experienced to date.  Sanding down and fall onto your butt.  It's a beautiful thing to know when you fall the earth catches you.  If you do fall, it feels like cloud and puffy pillows.

I'll let you speculate on this one...

I know now, why Jesus refused to go back after one day of being in the desert.  I kid. I kid.

Lima

Fun in Ica had to end and my journey continued to Lima, the capital of Peru.  I'm a bit more experienced with Peru at this point, so I know where to go.  The first night I landed in Lima (only city for international flight in or out of Peru), I was terrified when all I saw from my cab were darkly run down buildings.  This time around, back in Lima, I asked the cab to take me to the nicer area, called Miraflores.  And there the partying begins!  Why you asked? I stayed at a hostel known for their crazy partying scene called the Loki Hostel.  It does live up to its reputations.  In Lima, I also met up with a friend, Catalina, whom I had met earlier in my trip in Lake Titicaca, Puno.  We then met up with her friends, who are local Lima-nians.  

I don't know why I looked so scared here... Must be because James Brown was licking my armpit.

Catalina! <3

Of course, the night I flew back home, I had an unlimited amount of Peruvian Ceviche at one of the most famous Ceviche joint, Pescados Capitales

Peru has been most memorable and exciting place I have traveled to so far.  My spirit blossomed and my very self opened like a  newly birth butterfly.  Poetic reference aside, it was an amazing trip.  How Peru came up in my mind as a must go to place, I have no idea.  All I did was listened to my calling, and it said in a faintly, yet determined, voice... "PURU....!"

Perusing - Part 3 - The Condor Has Landed

Part tres to my perusing in Peru (Colca Canyon)

The funny thing about this trip was I thought I was going to hike it.  One of the hardest Canyon to hike in the world.  Much to my surprise, came the day, a bus picked me up with a bunch of elderly folks.  We then rode the bus around the Canyon.  It took a while for me to realize I was not dressed for the occasion - the only tourist with hiking shoes.  Something was indeed, lost in translation.  The upside of touring with this group was, I ate a whole lot of Peruvian foods (buffet), danced folkloric, and listened to some amazing Peruvian music.

I started off with some altitude sickness, thereby my guide told me to chew on some coca leaves

And the result of coca chewing...

Group of Llamas and Alpacas

They're just soooo Fluffyyyyy!!!

Pictures aren't doing it much justice.  These are natural steps created by mother nature.

This was at an Italian Restaurant.  I kid you not.  

The only thing cuter than fluffies sheep are these fluffy kids

There is a condor somewhere... Try capture a moving object in a $99 cheapo deapo camera.  Kind of defeats the purpose of coming all the way up just to look at these mystical condors.

Again, Condor somewhere...

Returning from Colca Canyon to Arequipa

Enlightening moment while eating dinner in Arequipa.  (Poor thing about traveling alone are these self-shots)

But the upside is coming (below)

Enlightening moment commemorated on Facebook.

The last screen capture concludes my feelings for this entry.