All Good Things Are Wild and Free

After Mt. Kilimanjaro, I went to Tarangire park and Ngorongoro crater for some safari and camping.  This was much needed after the 6 days of smelly hiking.  Just to sit in a rover and thank my blessings that I'm watching these amazing creatures through my own lens.

First Day: Tarangire Park

Second Day: Ngorongoro Crater

It was indeed very cool to be able to see these creatures in person.  Although from time to time, I did wish that I had David Attenborough narrating the experience for me.  Plus it was nice to rest on my buns as I was flying out to Istanbul next.  Good jolly, everyone.

My knight and shining armor: Jessy Sekhon

Me: Jessy, I'm sorry we're in the same city, but I can't see you.  My flight to Istanbul is leaving in 30 minutes.

Jessy: (In all her glorious Punjabi princess attitude, screamed back through the phone)  You bitch! You did not come to Chicago just to fly over me.

(15 minutes later, calling Jessy back)

Me: Jessy, how would you like to see me right now?  I missed my flight out and I have to stay in Chicago for the next 24 hours.
....

And with that, my friend of 8 years came to my rescue.  Jessy Sekhon, to put it lightly, is a force to be reckoned with.  A scarily wielding person but at the same time a spoiled princess.  A medical school student, who from time to time, will call me to vent about how she can't seem to put on her eyeliner correctly.  We live in different parts of the country, but we somehow, despite all odds and ends - boyfriends, school, jobs, makeup, PMS, we still keep in touch.

On this night, cold and windy, in Chicago, Jessy came to my rescue.  We then spent the next 24 hours goofing around Chicago like we were freshmans in college.

Once in a while, you get a friend like Jessy, who is your biggest fan, but also your worst critic.  She will love and care for you.  But if you are not wearing any makeup, she will refuse to appear in public with you.  Although, when you get a tough day or a broken heart, she is always a phone call away.  

 Looking back at my life, I have so many people come and go.  They all have made a great impact on my life in one way or another.  But Jessy did more than most.  No matter the distance.  No matter the time span we stand apart.  She is closer to me more than ever.  If you have a friend like this, you are very lucky.  I know I am.

I sincerely love you Jessy.  And thank you for rescuing me in Chicago.

Summiting a dream: Kilimanjaro

12:00 AM March 8th, 2013 at 4710 Meters (15,400 ft).   I woke up, if this was waking up at all, since I never actually went to sleep. Everyone from Kibo base camp had to wake up before 12 AM to summit before sunrise.  Sadly the night before, I wasn't able to sleep due to lack of oxygen and extreme cold. 

I was already dressed in my summit gears the night before, since I knew I would be too cold in the morning to slip in and out of clothing articles.  And a couple of minutes before 12:00 AM, a party of my guide, my porter and myself, set out for Uhuru peak.  Stomping my feet in the darkness, I focused my flashlight and fixed my gaze on my guide's feet.  Soon enough, I followed a rhythm of 1, 2, 3, 4... repeat.  Although, it wasn't long until I started wheezing and held out my arm for my party to stop.  I thought to take a deep breadth, but it only shortened my breathing even more. I felt my pulse, and it was beating from the back of my head through my throat and coming out of my skin. "Pole, Pole..." my guide said in Swahili, which means, "Slowly, Slowly..."  And this is only 1 hour into the ascend.

Slowly, I continued to march on.  No turning back now, as the last 5 days have led up to this moment.

This moment rang with thoughts such as these:

 "Anna! You can do this" 

"Who the fuck does this?"

"1, 2, 3, 4..."

"You can do this... Can you?"

"1, 2, 3, 4..."

"Fuck, let's do this."

My breathing continued to shorten.  I stopped at almost every 8 counts.  And every time, I looked up, people's headlights near the top seems so close yet so far.  I looked down, and at this altitude, the ground seems to be covered in frost or snow.  From time to time, I wiggled my toes to see if my circulations were still alive.  They were still alive, so I continued.  Eventually, we reached a point where I needed to use my arms to pull myself up onto boulders of rocks.  Shit, that was the most difficult thing, since the ascend already have drained the majority of energy from me.  Nonetheless, I persisted and reached the peak before sunrise.

My guide, Damian, shouted, "ANNNNNNA!!! You've made it.  You've made your own history.  I'm so proud of you."  Tears started gushing out of me and I couldn't stop crying.  This is my glory.  This is what I have wanted for so long.  I turned around and read the sign, "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE NOW AT GILMAN'S POINT. ALT 5681 M"

Tears immediately ceased.   My heart dropped.  The thought that followed was, "FUCKKKKK!!! I thought I was at Uhuru peak."  I turned to my guide to inquire about Uhuru Peak.  I followed his pointing finger to the other end of the crater.  Shit, another hour and a half to get there.  "Let's go..." I said.

Before reaching Uhuru, we stopped at, Stella Point, the sun is breaking and the whole crater rejoice and glistens in all its glory.  Again, I cried.  It was and is the most beautiful, breath-taking, sunrise of my life.  All sorts of emotions sprung up in my throat.  I was so happy.  So very happy.  That strong tide of emotion came and then, as with all tides, it disappeared.  I was at peace.  I was existing, but not quite existing.  It was a nice moment.

My guide and I took a couple of pictures.  I smiled and danced like the happiest person.  Then like a soldier, I marched onto my final destination - Uhuru Peak.

At Stella Point with guide, Damian

Finally, 5 days since I have set out from the bottom of Kilimanjaro, I have reached the roof of Africa, Uhuru Peak.  However, I was so worn out and energy-less that I couldn't feel any other emotions other than, "I've made it."  I stretched out my arm like a victor for a silly picture.  Funny, I have played this moment over and over in my head before, but it was nothing like I've imagined.  The altitude has gotten to me.  After a couple of pictures, I plunged my head over and threw up right on... the Uhuru sign (pure irony).

I guess I have reached my peak when I got to Gilman Point and Stella Point.  I cried out my desire at Gilman and laid in passionate peace at Stella.  This moment delivered a lesson to me.  A lesson that not everything in life will turn out the way you planned.  My summit to Uhuru was not the glory moment that I thought it would be, but the two peaks prior were.  I very much appreciated that.  I also appreciate that I had the guts and determination to reach the highest peak.  Uhuru Peak (5,895 meters - 19,341feet)! I own you (bitch).

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Disclaimer: Please excuse the foul language.  They were sincerely the thoughts that ran through my brain.

An Uncomfortable Comfort

I'm hyper-ventilating.  I'm pretty scared.  Or nervous.  Or anxious.  A bunch of feelings associated with being fearful.

I know of this feeling before.  It occurred right before my flight out to Peru, so I assume it's just pre-flight jittery.  Sometimes, I pretend to not acknowledge it, but deep down my belly, it rumbles.  It rumbles in fear... or diarrhea. I joke with the latter.  In less than 24 hours I depart from Austin and en route to Kilimanjaro.   So the jitters are setting in.

I guess this is my fearful face

I like these jittery-fearful feelings though, it makes me feel alive.  I understand that most of us are geared to lean towards comfort.  We fear the unknown and that makes us uncomfortable.  That is why we work our asses off so we can have a nice apartment and a nice car - to live in comfort.  However, I would like to argue that to PROGRESS we must feel fear.  We must feel uncomfortable.

Don't you remember that first interview?  That first date? Wasn't it uncomfortable?  But at the same time, didn't it motivate us to do our best? Millions of neurons firing off trying to find directions and innovations to lead us back to comfort.  In that moment of fear is where we grow.  We try to find insight within ourselves, and in the most unexpected twist, we find that uncomfortableness is the actual thing that will lead us back to comfort.  And the cool thing is, we actually grow an extra inch of awesomeness.

That is why I rejoice in this uncomfortableness.  Knowing that I'm enroute to my destinations and that I will get to experience an enormous library of new emotions and experiences, is the actual comforting factor in all this.   Experiences (or favorable ones anyway) are beautiful.  They are the core of growth and growth can be triggered with first an uneasy feeling.  Thus why, I am run towards this uncomfortableness with open arms.  

Hmmm... Good night and be uncomfortable

Mucho Thinkle tonight.

FoxxiDork

This is something I have never shared with my friends and family. This blog, as such, has only been shared with friends and family. So this is a whole lot out of my comfort zone. I want to share a piece of my past. I want to share FoxxiDork. Who is FoxxiDork? She was pre-muchogiggles.  She was 19 - 24 years old.  She was this girl that used to make some Youtube videos and would write silly things on her blog (which has been deleted, unfortunately).  Not much has changed for her, except she is now MuchoGiggles.  I'm semi-embarrassed to share her with you guys.  For some reason though, I did think about her today, and I thought it's appropriate to share my past.

Please think of her as a 22 years old girl that likes to create things.  Not that I don't like creating things anymore, I prefer to think that my current work is a bit more classier.

Oh Gosh, I'm slightly petrified sharing this.  Ahhh... Okay.  I'll just do it.  *Close Eyes and hitting Publish*

Talent

BettyBoop

How to Wakeup

Interview Makeup 

How to look good in pictures

Vlog: All I do is eat

Oh God, enough?  Well, I think this is enough for me.  This is enough 2009-2010.  If you like FoxxiDork, go ahead and visit: www.youtube.com/foxxidork.

Ah, I need to go breathe.  I'm slightly hyper-ventilating sharing this much.

Dating Enlightenment

I dedicate this post to a strong and close friend of mine.

Have I mentioned how demoralizing it has been with my dating scene? Demoralizing to a point where I don't date anymore.  Why? In part because every date I've been on, it seems like I'm on an interview.  Can I also mention how uncomfortable this whole process is?  After much thinking... much much thinking... I feel secure enough to say, I just don't date anymore.  So, I will go ahead and dispense my theory and advice here.

Creepy!!

Most people nowadays, consciously or subconsciously, believe that once he/she meets the one, they would would somehow be eased of all their issues and insecurities.  Our society reinforced us with these notions through sappy-cheesy-shits  and romantic comedies, where the protagonist hooks up with their amazing soul mate, and it's happily ever.  Come on, this expectancy that one individual will fulfill everything is just entirely too daunting.  Fudge,  that is a lot of pressure on one person.

This is a huge disservice they are doing for their future mate and themselves.   Say in theory, that you did meet that one and he/she did make you happy and everything in that particular moment is perfect.  This is temporary vibration of energy allotted by love (or lust) will help to dissipate all current worries and stress.  But really how long will this last?  It's hedonic adaptation*1, folks.

To maintain constant happiness, he/she, for lack of better phrase, must be happy with his/her-self.  Even if that means taking an inventory of ones' likings and pursue it as a hobby.  Go travel.  Take dance classes.  Join meetup groups.  As a result, and I can attest, doing your passion or yourself, will actually make you a whole lot more happier.

As the Holstee Manifesto manifests:

"If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. 

They will be waiting for you when you start 

doing the things you love."

Or as I say it, if it happens... It happens.

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*1 Hedonic adaption:As humans we have the " tendency [...] to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes." 

GUUURHHH!!!

Trippin' Kilimanjaro

Kili-Man-Ja-Ro.  Just pronouncing it produced this strong yet mystical tone.  Like a shaman standing on top of a bonfire warning us with a voice that vibrates down our spine to respect and fear for what is the 'highest' free-standing mountain in the world.

Or at least that is what it feels like when I sound off Kilimanjaro.

My trip to Kili is counting down to just a mere 4 days.  Ahhh, I am f-ing scared and is shaking in fear of what is to come.  Okay, that may have been overly dramatized, but gawd damn, it's scary to think that Kilimanjaro is coming true.

Euro-trip.  Or Euro-eat.

Climbing Mt Kili was just a dream.  "Maybe one day I'll do it.  Maybe when I'm a bit more fit.  Maybe when I have more money."  All these maybes, but all it took are tiny little steps.  Like when I started traveling, it was around the United States or to Europe.  All of which were considerably safe trips.  But bit by bit, I got a bit more braver.  By traveling in relative safety, I gained more confidence in handling myself in foreign countries, thus I took a trip by myself to Peru in 2012.

Maybe, all these 'maybes', are a good thing.  Because what the 'maybes' did was it painted a canvas of possibilities.  Maybes, allowed me to take baby steps:

Baby Step 1. Travel in home country, United States - I drove back and forth from east and west coast countless of times.
Baby Step 2. I traveled to relatively safe countries in Europe - I grew more courage.
Baby Step 3. I traveled by myself to Peru - I grew even more courage.
Baby Step 4. Graduation into Adult steps.

It's confident building 101, or building guts little by little.   Because I have bundled up this ball of confidence, I got more serious about planning for my dream conquest.  Kilimanjaro.

Who knows what 'Maybes' may hold after this trip.  Who knows if Everest will call to me.

While meandering between thoughts, I shall continue packing for Kili.

Continue to MuchoGiggles!

Anna