LIFE IN FOCUS - 2015

Today is the last day of 2015.

Aside of feeling so relieved because 2015 has not been very kind on me, I feel a lot of gratitude as well.  

As much as 2015 was a turmoil year for me, really it was a turmoil year for many folks around the world, it provided a fine self-check.  And in that sense, a feeling of gratitude.  It is like the world goes, "knock, knock, you think you have this huh?" Check again, you don't.

2015 was one of my most challenging years. Challenges in the things that was out of my control.  Challenges in giving up those control.  

You see, I entered the new year – 2015, with a heartbreak.  You know, the romantic kind.  Romance rarely ever happens to me, so the pain knocked me side ways.  It took me a while,  but I knew with repetition, strength, and time, the pain  would subside and that my 2015's plans will unfold beautifully. The plan is to have my company (my baby) take off.  I will include more recipients of the MUCHO's, my company, scholarship.  I will travel as I always do.  

Some of that happened, but not without fighting and gritting.

As we are raised, we tend to think that with enough hardwork, with enough desire, all our goals, plans, visions, dreams, intentions and all our New Year’s resolutions, will happen. But the truth of the matter is that things don’t always go as planned.  As Sandra Bullock's dad character says in In While You Are Sleeping, 

            ´´Life doesn´t always turn out the way you plan.´´

When things began to fall around  me, and when life kept insisting that I walk a different path than the one I was on, I fell into confusion. Thinking that something had gone terribly wrong, and that maybe I had made a mistake somewhere along the way, I tried my best to fix things. I thought I was lost, and so I kept going back, desperately trying to find my way, not knowing that the the direction I was going, was “The right way.”

With all the personal development books we are reading, the articles we find on the Internet, the online programs, home study courses and all these ideas about manifesting and creating the lives we want, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we have 100% control over our lives, and that we alone can construct our lives exactly the way we want to. And when things don’t go our way, when our plans don’t come to fruition and our dreams fall apart, we perceive what’s happening to us as a failure on our part. And so we try to “fix things,” doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results and failing to realize that just as Einstein said, this is the definition of insanity!

It’s true that we create our lives with our thoughts and that to a certain extent we can craft and manufacture our lives the way we want to, but it’s also true that life itself has no set plan. And that from time to time, it will “ask” us to go on a different path than the one we were on, wanting us to experience our lives in a new and different way. 

At first, there was a lot of resistance on my part, a lot of whining and complaining, mostly because all these experiences were so unfamiliar to me. But as time went by, because I felt tired and exhausted of constantly fighting and resisting, I decided to simply let go, to surrender. And the moment I’ve let my guard down, the moment I decided to stop going against the flow of life, that’s when all kinds of wonderful things started to happen to me. And that’s when life was able to do its magic on me.

There is so much power in letting go, so much wisdom and so much grace in emptying yourself of yourself. And even though a lot of people think that letting go is only about becoming happier and living a more peaceful and serene life, the truth of the matter is that there is more to it than that.

When we let go, we make room within ourselves, and within our lives, for our truth, for compassion, for more love and more light.

The more we let go of who we think we are, of what we know, what we believe to be true, and of everything thats holds us back in life, the emptier we become. And the emptier we become, the more room there is in our hearts for Love and for OUr Truth to enter us. 

“If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die. If you want to be given everything, give everything up.” - Lao Tzu

If you want to be given everything, you must give everything up – ideas, the past, beliefs, attachments, fears, excuses, and everything you think you know, and everything you think you possess, including your own self. And by doing so, a new world will be revealed to you, a world that has essence, value and real meaning.

We humans think we know so much, and because we are so full of ourselves – of what we know, who we think are, what we possess, where we belong, etc., life do not work like that. Life can’t shape us, it can’t mold us and it can’t reveal to us the wisdom, glory and power that lies within each and every one of us. And when it tries to do so, because we cling so tightly to everything we know and everything that feels familiar to us, instead of being beautifully polished and refined by life, we end up feeling more hurt and wounded than we were before.

This is the story of human life – many treasures hidden within each and every one of us, but only a few get to discover and enjoy these precious treasures. I hope you are one of them. 

Warmest Love,

- A

Happy 2015! Happy Vulnerability Year!

In 2015, I vow to be more vulnerable.  Yes, more vulnerable.  Base on a Ted talk by Rene Brown on Vulnerability (Watch below), I will resolute to be more vulnerable and in essence to be more of the following:



1. To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee.  I have always been very opened, but immensely closed in certain realms, i.e. the romantic realm.  Past trauma perhaps, but I have moved beyond it thankfully for a lot of healing time and an epic support system.  Many of us, myself included, hate feeling vulnerable. It makes us feel weak, like we have no control.  Like we are exposing ourselves and allowing our weakest points to be preyed upon.  But without this vulnerability, without putting ourselves out there, whether it be in life, love, work, we will never know the outcome.  Knowing in itself is the most beautiful act of courage.  With that, I resolve 2015 to become utterly and happily vulnerable.  To have courage to express and the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees.  To be open and vulnerable because through the process of vulnerability we will truly become.

2. To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror.  We all have the tendency to run away from the uncomfortable aspects in life -- I know I do (it's just human tendencies).  When we have a difficult situation, we find an escape. We go on our "retail" therapy.  Or we drown our face in food or alcohol, hoping to bypass or numb the deplorable moments.  When we numb those feelings, it spirals to numbing other aspects, such as our emotions, our happiness, our sadness.  We do not ride the tides, thus we do not experience what it means to be alive.  We go through life purposeless and then we become sad because of it and thus the cycle of numbing continues.  However, when we practice gratitude in these moments of difficulties, we say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."  In 2015, I vow to not run away and the face of difficulties.  I revel in moments when it feels hard to breathe because that will be the only way, I will learn and progress.  

3. To believe that we're enough.  Okay, I may not need to work on this much because I admit, I'm a glorified self-loving and slightly arrogant (in the best of ways) human being.  But sometimes I do forget this, like if I do not get a promotion or if I feel rejected, I wind back and would sadly think, "Why? What did I do wrong?"  But by believing that I am enough, I realized it wasn't something I did wrong or why it went wrong.  It simply means that it didn't work out that time, but I tried my best and there should be no reason for self-deprecating thoughts.  To know that it's enough to have the courage to try even if end results are less than desirable.  The act in itself is enough.  Because when we work from a place that says, "I'm enough, then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves."  Thus I say in 2015, "I am enough." "Yes, I am."

 This isn't the typical bucket list that I do.  However, working on being more vulnerable, more human, is of utmost importance than scratching a couple of bullet points off of a list.  
 .
.
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Though it doesn't hurt to have one:

1. Launch MUCHO
2. Bachata in Dominican Republic
3. Colombia 
4. Lose the travel weight

5. Of course, get a 4 pack (heh, I'm okay with beer too though)

 

 

One Thing At A Time

When was the last time you did something that gave you a real sense of achievement?  

My little babies

My last several months of trying to settle back into normal life has been easy.  I enjoy my friends, my work, my life.  But what I noticed is that my life it's getting into its cyclical phase.  I wake, I eat, I go to work, I read, I sleep.  I repeat.  Maybe, I just am not cut out for a stationary life, maybe I enjoy the rush of being a gypsy.  Then I have to remember that I came back for a reason.  And that reason is bigger than myself.  That weight though has been crushing my shoulder.  What am I talking about? MUCHO.

Those who knows me, know MUCHO.  But if you don't, MUCHO is a project, where I partnered up with a couple organizations, one in Vietnam and one in Kenya.  It's such a loving project, where I can help and give perspective and hope to another child.  Long story short, the organizations and the huge weigh of finishing and implementing, is killing me.  Seeing the huge scope of what it means to start my project from start to finish is heavy.  Yes, I had an existential crisis for about a couple months now because of this project of mine.  I came to a conclusion, that MUCHO is too big, and for the day or more I have been trying to find a resolution.  And the resolution is this.  One thing at a time. 

As all my projects, my heart, my art, my travel.  One thing at a time.  

One. Get this "one" project launch
Thing. Get the "thing" to market
At. At the benefits of my kids in SE Asia and in Africa
A. All day, everyday
Time. All the time. Every time.

There isn't anything else I want right now more than MUCHO.  MUCHO will just have to break up in small little triumphant pieces.  And looking back, my life has become a blurred mosaic of small triumphs.  Those small triumphs has made me who I am today, which isn't so bad.  I do like that I finished almost everything I set my mind to.  So sticking with my small triumphs, I'll just do what I have always done:

My Bathroom Mirror is
To-do list loaded

1) Figure out what  I want to accomplished.  In the past, it has been, "I am to travel the world." "I am to run the half marathon." Now, "I am to launch the project of my dream -- MUCHO."   

2) My small triumphs.  l went to Vietnam, I went to Kenya.  I spoke with so many organizations.  I have all that I need to launch.  All these are my little bench marks.  All my little triumphs. I shouldn't be worried or scared.

3) Once I have all my triumphs, stretch a bit more.  This is basically, what I have been doing without even knowing.  I set small challenges, like travel by myself.  Climb Kilimanjaro.  Scuba dive.  Every challenges, I stretch just a bit more until it became my character.  Who I am.  I now set to launch MUCHO.

4) If I fail, I fail, I'll just try it differently next time.  "I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work.  WHen I have eliminated that ways that will not work, I will find the way will work." -- Thomas Edison

One thing at a time. And this time, I want to build and launch MUCHO.  Circle back to the original question, "when was the last time you did something that gave you a real sense of achievement?" It was today, when I put up all my to do list in front my bathroom mirror, outlining what I need to do.  That is a real sense of achievement.  I will climb every mountain.  Even if it is a hill.

WHEEEE!!!! Let's do this shit

Around the World in...uh 190 days.

The last 7 months, I took off for a walk-about, passing through 18 countries, around the world.  It was a personal trip, thus why I didn't blog much (but I did Instagram a whole damn lot - check it out at www.instagram.com/muchotravel ).  Today, I received a post-card I have mailed to myself while in Sofia, Bulgaria.  And it was like a gift of encouragements, I feel refreshed and inspired (to blog).

Instagram

About 9 flights, ~ 5 trains, ~ 5-6 ferries and an unimaginable number of buses, my journey rounded me back to the Austin, TX.  Being back here scares me a lot, I fear I wouldn't feel like I belong, I fear that I had to start over, etc.  That fear somewhat was coming true, but today I received a post-card I wrote to myself while I was in Sofia, Bulgaria.  In it, I wrote to trust my "internal GPS," and to always choose happiness, to never let my circumstances dictate how I feel.  I realize that it doesn't matter where I am.  My happiness, my friends, my job, my life, is all up to me.  More than anything, what I learned on this past journey is beyond what any advice or any textbook can dispense to the soul.

I learned that I can live with just a minimal amount of money and a 70L backpack.  I learned that I am always stronger than what I thought I was capable of.  I learned that the people are the most important part of the equation to being happy.  I learned that technology (my Nexus 5) is the key for streamlining a better life.  Last but not least, I learned that I need to continually challenge myself or else growth will not happen.

Minimalism - I have always been that girl.  That girl who likes her hair product, her perfume, her shoes, her makeup, her feminism.  All of my previous trips, I packed more accessories and makeup than one can imagine.  This trip, knowing that I would be gone for a fairly long time, I would have to be reasonable with my packing to accommodate different places and climates.  What I did was packed all the necessities, and brought a few feminism pieces, like my Coco Chanel Mademoiselle.  A spritz will make me feel like a lady, even if I realistically smell like I've been sitting on a bus for 18 hours.  I learned that I do not need a fancy car, or a closet full of clothes, or even my curling irons.  I still can be feminine with a backpack.  All I need to bring is my optimism and my minimalism.

Zoom Zoom Backpacking

Stronger - I was stronger than yesterday.  Always when I thought I may not be able to do certain things, eat a certain food, or can't go any further.  I was always wrong, because I have always gone a bit more, pushed a bit more.  I've sat on a broken down bus for 8 hours, equating a total trip time of 30 hours, was the first taste of endurance and patience, I've got, in SE Asia.  Or trying to find my hostel while carrying a huge pack, while having pneumonia, walking down the street of Kuala Lumpur at four in the morning, tops the cake for pushing a bit more.  So when I'm at home, and at times I feel hopeless at say, finding a job.  I know it's a temporary feeling and that can be overcome.  It is about persistence and about keep going despite the down times.  When I think I don't have any more, I'm wrong. I do.  I will always do.  Have more.

People - I have always been a people person.  I'm good with people and this came in so handy, while traveling, because despite traveling by myself I was never "by myself". Without knowing many of the languages I've encountered, I have always managed to make friends with locals and/or travelers.  Without knowing the way, I waved and made hand gestures to people, and a way was always shown.  Even if  traveling in the dark of night in India or Italy, or sightseeing or volunteering in Africa, I have always had a constant supply of friends wherever I go.  I'm grateful for that because nothing means anything if I (or you) don't have the people to share the space, the laughter, the adventure, or the food with.  I take that lesson home, and now I am constantly saying "hi" to strangers, whether it being an awkward encounter at the coffee shop or while running pass some cars.  People.  It is where it is at.

Technology - God damn, my phone is my savior.  My unlocked Nexus 5 had gotten me out of so many predicaments, I almost think my trip wouldn't have gone over so smoothly if I didn't have my Nexus 5.  My French Aunt wouldn't have wanted to see me hadn't I have busted out google translate, Bam! English to French, "You're my aunt - Vous êtes ma tante."  I would have been completely lost on the metro in France or England without my Nexus 5.  Forget about my Nexus 5 for a second, technology itself is the bombdigitty.   Google spreadsheet that I introduced to a non-profit organization in Kenya brought order and clarity to what was before an accounting system kept using the old-school technique of pen and paper.  Technology, kids, is the future.  It is.  Also, the Nexus 5 takes really good pictures.

Geek at home, geek abroad

Challenge - As a lot of people know, I couldn't swim for the longest time.  I barely learned to swim like a frog about 2 years ago.  I didn't even know how to stay afloat, all that changed in Sihanoukville, Cambodia where I launched myself off a double-decker boat, and surprised, I can stay afloat (it was all mental).  Follow that momentous overcoming of my fear, I delved into a scuba-diving love affair in Koh Tao, Thailand.  I not only got certified to go to 18 meters, I also got certified for my advanced, to go down to 30 meters.  Bam, knowing that I can push my comfort zone and actually like it, it encourages me to challenge myself in my daily life.  To push, to persevere.

My travel taught me a lot about myself, about life, about what I need to be happy.  It made me trust in the process and to always make the good choice, the right choice, to make me happy.  Travel to me is a philosophy to life.  It taught me to live fully.  It taught me to be kinder.  To be more open. To just be.  To be not afraid of the everyday mundane.  It too can be exciting if I let it be.

It's a Peruvian Jungle, Baby! The Inka Jungle Trek

Nothing brings me more joy than traveling and travel planning.  Recently, a friend of mine asked for an itinerary of my trek to Machu Picchu.  Javier is planning to go, so I could not help but rejoice for him.  I chattered from the top of my lungs about my adventures and my enlightenments while, no pun intended, perusing to Machu Picchu.  This will serve as a guide and a memoir of the trek.

I landed in Lima and took a local flight to to Cusco, Peru.  I settled down at a hostel and set out to find a trek to Machu Picchu.  And I went with this option:

                                             INKA JUNGLE TREK                                  

An adventure that leaves your veins pumping and your mind in awed.  The trek was both physically challenging and mentally vigorous.  Be prepared for some mountain sickness folks!

Day 1:

I left with only a small backpack for 4 days journey.  A van drove myself and a group, who signed up for the same trek, to Ollantaytambo, over 4,200 meters above sea level .  Amazed, we took in the beauty terrain while standing on the highest peak of the whole trip.  Then we strapped on some gear and bike down the Andes.  The rush of the winding road and the wind whipping our faces kicks in high gear as we ride past waterfalls, school kids, and villages.  A couple hours and 2,000-meter descend in, we got to a small town in Santa Maria.  The adventure did not stop there.  For ~$30, I signed up for a level 3 rapid rafting.  My god, if that did not blow my hair our of the water.  (Side note, I don't know how to swim very well - take precautions).  Needless to say, I slept very well that night.

You know, just biking in the Andes

Day 2:

Waking up fresh and eager, we set out on the Inka Trail.  As we trekked, we stopped by huts and small houses of local Peruvians for quick rest.  What I loved most about this trek was the kindness of the Peruvian people.  Everyone was amazing and compassionate - I've been to places where I would be looked at as walking wallets.  Onward to the trek, our trail continues into Quellomayo where the group stopped for food and quick hammock nap.  We then picked up our trek on the side of Urubamba river, and then crossing it at one point in a cart and pulley.  Our day ended soaking in the Santa Theresa hot springs. Which was much needed to soothe my soul after a day extraneous hiking.  Food and salsa dancing in the town Santa Theresa was followed. 

The Group!

The Inka trail ( for trail - see to left of picture)

Crossing Ururamba river in style

Santa Theresa hot spring - doing a little jig!

Day 3:

While some of the group continued to hike, I chose to pay a little extra ($35 - I believe) to zipline in the most extensive 5 lines zip in South America.  Needless to say, free style zip line was encouraged, meaning we can go upside down, side ways, flip, etc.  The adrenaline for starting the day like that gave me a surge of energy for the rest of the hike that followed.  On today's hike I cried (yes, cried) in awe of my surrounding, it was incredibly beautiful landscape I have the pleasure of immersing.  Our hike ended in the tourist town, Aguas Calientes.  Again, here we had the option of hot spring pool siding.  I chose to skip out on hot bathing and again go dancing.  But only to dance just enough to come back for a night rest for the 4AM ascend to Machu Picchu.

Day 4:

The climb to Machu Picchu began at 4 o'clock, before the sun is up .  We ascended through a zig-zag staircase that lasted 1 1/2 - 2 hours.  Pushing time to get to Machu Picchu before the sunrise.  The funny and humbling experience was that the ascend was so tiring for me that when I finally reached Machu Picchu, I was so relieved and happy that I finally see buses and people.  That meant the my rigorous climb was over.  Just a funny situation, where my expectation of my behavior, 'enlightenment', failed to meet the actuality of the moment, 'relieved'.  Personal thoughts aside, our tour guide have us a quick guide through Machu Picchu.  It was quite impressive to see how Incas lived and they were able to build such an amazing structure, WITH NO CEMENT!  After the tours, I made friends with a couple other trekkers and we explored the rest of Machu Picchu.  Once it rained a bit, we made our way down and decompressed until it was time to board our train back to Ollantaytambo.  And from there back home to Cusco.

It's night time Trekkin'

This trek was amazing, and seriously if any of my friends or anybody would want to go with me.  I am 100% ready and readily volunteer my service as your companion and your guide! :)

Booyah, more power to ya!

Yesterday, I laughed. Today, I cried, whine, bitched... just a little.

Every year, for my birthday, I have a tendency of having the most lavish parties.  I have always loved the energy of everyone 'living it up.'  I don't know what changed this year, but I did not feel compel to book anything extravagant.  Instead of planning for anything, I just showed up I was showered with love from co-worker, friends and family.  I like that - the unexpected shower of love.

This year (2013)


2012

2011

Despite the love, I feel an overwhelming amount of stress fortified by adulthood.  The stress of moving was enough to push me over the edge.  Couple that with some unexpected bills and car maintenance.  And a few other important things, which I feel it may be too personal to mention.  All of which I can handle if it trickles down one at a time.  But it may be true what they say... 'when it rains, it pours'

Yes, I have tried to look on the brighter sides.  Yes, I have tried running off of the positive things I should do in situations like this.  But sometime, it just easier to sulk.  And it's okay.  It is okay to whine, bitch and complain for a day or so.  So as long as I know that this is temporary.  Perhaps it is against popular belief to feel sorry for oneself, but I beg to differ.  It is normal to have days like this.  It is normal to feel helpless sometime.  It should also be normal to have some compassion for oneself.

And as G*cough* as my witness, I will not let these feeling soil me into a black hole.  Anna will rise again.  First things first, get my phone fix -  my phone got a little too happy at my happy hour birthday celebratory and slammed face first on the concrete at Kung Fu Bar.  

Second thing first, sleep and wake up deal with all this shit that is adulthood. 

Have a good night kids!

Anna

Breathe... and go camping

Today, I received much disheartening news.  I have to move.  Mid-day at work, I got a phone call from my landlord, stating that she had seen my dog, Austin, barking and bobbing his head from my flat's window.  And as per our lease, I can't have pets on the premises.  Well, when I signed the lease I  didn't intend to have a dog and now I have not only a dog, but a woman's best friend.

The whole day at work, I kept on thinking what is my next course of action.  Whether or not I should hide Austin from her, and just keep on taking him to doggy day care.  Or move to a new place.  Or get a place with roommates to save money, since I need to start my business/project.  I was so overwhelmed by these thoughts that I wasn't even able to focus on the present or work.   You would go bonkers too, knowing how much I pay for my wonderful bungalow downtown Austin.

The  logical thing and correct course have yet to come, but I'm willing to bet that it won't come with me  going out of my wits worrying.  Popular wisdoms say, take a breather, meditate and drink a glass of wine.  Will do! Will take things as they go.  Ohm or Om... Wine.

Mean while, this past weekend I camped, and celebrated a close friend of mine's birthday, at a spectacular spot in Austin, called Pace Bend Park.  I will let the picture ruminate:

Oh nature... How do I love thee! And within this trip I've also realized that I'm more outdoorsy kind of gal.  I've noticed that I no longer revel in the party scene.  I have since graduated to activities that are outdoors.  Nature have this amazing quality of healing me and allowing me to breathe and clear my head.   I shall let my situation takes it course.  ;)

A bonus round:

A moment of Marilyn

Birthday boy!

Our Model

Breathe...