In 2015, I vow to be more vulnerable. Yes, more vulnerable. Base on a Ted talk by Rene Brown on Vulnerability (Watch below), I will resolute to be more vulnerable and in essence to be more of the following:
1. To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee. I have always been very opened, but immensely closed in certain realms, i.e. the romantic realm. Past trauma perhaps, but I have moved beyond it thankfully for a lot of healing time and an epic support system. Many of us, myself included, hate feeling vulnerable. It makes us feel weak, like we have no control. Like we are exposing ourselves and allowing our weakest points to be preyed upon. But without this vulnerability, without putting ourselves out there, whether it be in life, love, work, we will never know the outcome. Knowing in itself is the most beautiful act of courage. With that, I resolve 2015 to become utterly and happily vulnerable. To have courage to express and the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. To be open and vulnerable because through the process of vulnerability we will truly become.
2. To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror. We all have the tendency to run away from the uncomfortable aspects in life -- I know I do (it's just human tendencies). When we have a difficult situation, we find an escape. We go on our "retail" therapy. Or we drown our face in food or alcohol, hoping to bypass or numb the deplorable moments. When we numb those feelings, it spirals to numbing other aspects, such as our emotions, our happiness, our sadness. We do not ride the tides, thus we do not experience what it means to be alive. We go through life purposeless and then we become sad because of it and thus the cycle of numbing continues. However, when we practice gratitude in these moments of difficulties, we say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." In 2015, I vow to not run away and the face of difficulties. I revel in moments when it feels hard to breathe because that will be the only way, I will learn and progress.
3. To believe that we're enough. Okay, I may not need to work on this much because I admit, I'm a glorified self-loving and slightly arrogant (in the best of ways) human being. But sometimes I do forget this, like if I do not get a promotion or if I feel rejected, I wind back and would sadly think, "Why? What did I do wrong?" But by believing that I am enough, I realized it wasn't something I did wrong or why it went wrong. It simply means that it didn't work out that time, but I tried my best and there should be no reason for self-deprecating thoughts. To know that it's enough to have the courage to try even if end results are less than desirable. The act in itself is enough. Because when we work from a place that says, "I'm enough, then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves." Thus I say in 2015, "I am enough." "Yes, I am."
This isn't the typical bucket list that I do. However, working on being more vulnerable, more human, is of utmost importance than scratching a couple of bullet points off of a list.
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Though it doesn't hurt to have one:
1. Launch MUCHO
2. Bachata in Dominican Republic
3. Colombia
4. Lose the travel weight
5. Of course, get a 4 pack (heh, I'm okay with beer too though)
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